Do I Dare Try to Be Funny?

dentiststreetdrillerI have a decent sense of humor — when I’m speaking to someone.  As a teacher, my students love my off-beat style.  But writing is different — I think I spent too many years holed up in dark corners of a college campus, perfecting my pompous, smarter-than-thou style of writing that is revered by college professors throughout the United States.  Since this blog could use some fresh style, I thought I might try to combine the two.

Of course, I’d need to come up with something funny to write about.  I have a young teenager at home — he’s good for lots of laughter, right?  Then again, he’s also at that awkward stage where his entire social life is at stake every moment of the day.  How embarrassing to find out that mom has secretly been publishing those moments on the internet!  There’s always the dog.  One look around Facebook or YouTube will show you that animals are incredibly funny, right?  But, those are videos, and I’m writing.  Somehow, it’s just not as funny in text, and do I really want to spend that much time watching the dog and waiting for him to do something incredibly cute and funny?

Man, either I need to get a life, or I need to get a new perspective!  So far, the only thing that comes to mind is nearly breaking my nose a week or so ago!  Here goes nothing — I’ll tell you the story.

The Funny Story

The day started with needing to coordinate music duties with someone at church at 6:00 in the morning.  Weird, I know.  But our church holds early morning meetings for the youth on weekdays, and his son attends.  It was all cool.  Of course, it was raining — hard– that morning, and he got held up at work.  All I accomplished was spending 30 minutes out in the rain looking for the engagement ring I had dropped!  Wet, cold, and a bit annoyed, I at least found it!

I  thought the day was going better after that:  I actually had time to get some items checked off my todo list before heading to work.  Then, it was time to load the car.  It’s not much of a car — a 10-year-old Ford Focus — but it’s paid for, still runs pretty well, and the insurance payments fit the budget of a single-mom school teacher.

Since I often walk to work, I started keeping canned foods (soup, chili, etc.) in a cabinet in my room.  (That way, no matter what else I manage to forget in the mornings, I always have my lunch.  It also means my backpack doesn’t get too heavy when I walk.)  I had been out shopping the night before, and purchased a lot of cans of things that were on sale.  I think I had almost enough to cover the second semester!  So I packed all 30 – 50 pounds into a bag and hung it on my shoulder, grabbed my other bag with my school papers, and rushed to the car.

I’ve had my Focus for about 8 years, so I’ve loaded items into the back seat hundreds (maybe thousands) of times.  I had no reason to believe that I would be unsuccessful on this particular morning.

With the 30 – 50 pound bag on my shoulder, the easiest way to load it into the back seat of the car would be to do a cool and efficient swinging motion while simultaneously sliding the straps off my shoulder: the bag would land neatly on the back seat, and I would be on my way.  Remember, I’ve done similar things for years!

On this particular morning, something went terribly wrong.  The straps didn’t slide correctly, the bag remained attached to my shoulder, and the force of 30 – 50 pounds pulled my body forcefully forward.  It’s amazing the way the brain works in these kinds of moments — I knew exactly what was about to happen, but I had no way of stopping it!  So, as my body lurched forward, my nose collided forcefully with the hood of the car.  Thankfully, the bag slid off my shoulder at the moment, so my face simply bounced!

I have the most entertaining thoughts as these things occur.  My first thought was that I hoped none of my neighbors had seen me!  But then, as I paced — doubled over and clutching my nose — in the driveway, I decided my nose hurt so bad that I didn’t care!  I kept checking my hands for blood, because I didn’t want to have to change outfits — I would be late if that happened!  Oh, late!  Crud, I have early morning chorus to get to — I’d better check and see how badly my nose is swelling!  I need to know if I’m going to freak the kids out!

Well, we had a good laugh about it in chorus that morning, but that was about all the attention my inner diva was able to eke out of the whole ordeal.  My nose has ached for about a week, and it’s still tender in some places when I touch it.  The nose never swelled, and the little bruise that I got wasn’t even as dark as the rings under my eyes, so NO ONE NOTICED!  What a blow, because I’m old enough that I can’t walk around constantly telling everyone about it!

Nope, I’ll just blog about it — that’s much more mature!