Updates from Last Week:
- I was told once in a priesthood blessing that I would always have the things I needed to take care of those who become dependent on me. That blessing has again been fulfilled. Within 3 days of mediation, I pretty much had a balanced budget plan in place, and the order hasn’t even been filed in the court. I still have some more cost-cutting items to explore (mortgage, phone, and insurance), and I haven’t even begun adding extra income. I think Heavenly Father must love gentle irony! If I implement the full plan, I will be financially as good or better than before mediation.
- I became “Grandmother” to two cats last Sunday. This is not at all what I expected when I chose to listen to the Holy Spirit and let God fight my battles! I’m making the change, even though change is hard for me. I have now experienced “post-partum anxiety” each time I have given birth to a child, when I adopted the dog, and when I took in the cats. It gets easier each time. If all goes well, the ending to this long story will be a better relationship with one of my children.
Honest, or Political Correctness?
Balance may be the great question of life. How much is too much? How little is too little? What kind of answer do I give people?
The last question is the heart of my post today. The question I worry over is simple and common: “How are you?”
I know! I shouldn’t have that much trouble with the answer:
- “Fine”: If the person who has asked me is a total or near stranger, I will always take this route, no matter what the true answer is. This is the socially acceptable question, so I give the politically correct answer.
- “Can’t Complain”: This is one of several answers that I use to signal that there may be a small thing or two wrong, but it’s nothing big and I really don’t want to talk about it. These kind of answers satisfy casual friends pretty well.
- “The Truth”: Only close friends get this, and there’s really no one that gets all of it. I’ve often wondered why I do that.
Why Hide the Truth?
I think one reason I hold things in is that I don’t want to come across as crazy. We meet those kind of people at doctor’s offices and other places: you say something like good morning, and they start telling you about every ache and pain in their body, their alcoholic sister, and the son that’s in jail. You want to listen out of the goodness of your heart, but you had planned to read a book while you waited, and this is way more information than you ever wanted to know.
I also have trouble believing that people care that much. The people I know have their own families and their own issues. I can’t see why there would be any reason anyone would want to take that much time, especially when I’m supposed to be responsible for my own problems.
I have also learned, in a very negative way, that knowledge is power. I have been closely associated with several people in my life who made collecting information and using it against me an art form. I went to the school of hard knocks when it came to understanding that I needed to control who knows what about me, who sees me cry, and who knows where the truly soft parts of my heart are.
So, What’s the Problem?
The problem is that I have to balance that against gospel teachings of always being honest in my dealings with others and that my needs are opportunities for my brothers and sisters to be blessed by serving. It’s also an opportunity for me to put aside my pride and accept the love and caring of others.
So, how am I?
I still don’t know.