I’m posting late again. I think spring may be the busiest season of my year. Without my fiance, I couldn’t keep up with the yard and the garden this year. I missed practicing all week, but I’ve made all of my obligations in the evenings, so it’s not all bad.
Why I’m Reflecting
I’m not sure that I would be reflecting at all, if my fiance and I hadn’t had a huge disagreement the day after Mother’s Day. For the first time in our relationship, we actually considered (briefly) going our separate ways. Something he said during that argument has caused me to stop and think about my attitude.
I think I’m also a little embarrassed to have publicly displayed so much loathing on a day that was begun with the intentions of honoring the contributions of women everywhere, including me.
So, this week, it’s time for me to stop and reflect on how I have contributed to my own misery.
Where My Attitude Went Wrong:
- I let myself focus on what I think is missing. Whether it’s parenting skills, children who have moved in with their dad, or whatever, I let myself wallow in deficit thinking. I focused on what I wanted that I didn’t get. I played the victim, and threw myself a pity party.
- I anticipated the worst. I set myself up to be miserable by expecting to be miserable. That let me focus on hearing things that could be twisted to feed my mood. I refused to hear what was being said in the way it was intended.
- I never attempted to look at all I do have. I totally missed being thankful for a son that is very responsible for his age, that I still have my mom nearby and in pretty good health, or that I have been able to learn and grow — and I’ve done a pretty good job under the circumstances. I have lots of opportunity to be a temporary mother at work and at church. Kids are drawn to me because they can tell I genuinely care.
Yes, I think that is probably the best way to describe it. As I expressed to my fiance, it is natural and normal to grieve what I have lost, even when there are things to be grateful for. But, after this many years, I can hold myself to a higher standard. I have 51 weeks to practice.
Next week, we should be resuming a weekly look at something gospel related.