I’ve talked on the blog before about my marriage and some of the effects it has had on me. Lately, I’ve been working to overcome some of them. I can recognize that I have issues. I’ve lost friends in the quest to heal. A recent turn of events has led me to consider that I might not shoulder all of the blame for these ruined relationships.
True, I’m broken in places, but I’m beginning to believe that it’s time to open up a conversation with my married counterparts and explain to them that coins really do have two sides.
I belong to a church that emphasizes marriage and families. I’ve noticed that there is a big divide if you become single or are still single and over 30. I get invited to wedding receptions (bring a gift!), and I’m welcome at any Relief Society official function, but that’s about as far as it goes. I’ve been in my current congregation for 12 years, and have never (to my recollection) been invited to a Christmas party that someone is having in their home. If I get more than two invitations to dinner in a year, it’s been a banner year. I’m not home during the day to be invited to book clubs or other gatherings, because I bear the burden of being the breadwinner, too.
I’ve finally started trying to invite couples over on Friday nights when my fiance is available. I’ve met with limited success.
Other “Over 30” singles in my church have the same problem. In fact, one reported to me that, even though it’s well known in his congregation that he’s an avid game player, he is not invited to a regular game night that some couples (that he knows pretty well) are having. In fact, the only time he’s been invited is when he instigated the get-together.
Why am I overlooked? I can only guess. I’m sure the intentions are “well-meaning.” Maybe some people are afraid that asking me to things like dinner parties where bringing gifts or food are appropriate would be too taxing on my meager budget. Perhaps they fear I would feel out of place, since everyone else will have a husband there. Maybe I truly am forgotten because I’m not at the weekday social gatherings when they happen.
Sure, I know that couples are busy with their families — I’m kind of busy, too — but I also am aware that I am left out when things do happen.
I’m not sure what the answers are. I’ll bet, that if a married person were to read this post, they’d have all sorts of comments about what singles are doing to shut themselves off. All I really know is that we were called by the Savior to be one if we truly want to be His. When it comes to the “Marriage Divide,” I’m not seeing it, and I’d like to start a change.