When I am Weak

weakness1I’ve struggled for months with injuries to my hamstrings. Less than three weeks ago, I probably came closer than I would like to admit to crippling myself during a student-faculty baseball game. That experience, along with a priesthood blessing, sent me on a search to find out why I’ve been having so much trouble with my hamstrings and to get them back into shape.

Today, my intent was to run for about 1 1/2 hours. I knew I would have to take a few walking breaks, but I ended up taking more walking breaks than I expected, and even ended up limping home. During my excursion, I struggled a lot with how weak I feel right now, even though I know the process I am working through is essential to healing properly.

I’ve also taken a few moderately heavy personal blows over the past few weeks, and I’m struggling to master living gospel principles that are bumping up against the way I’ve dealt with problems in life since my childhood.

I’ve always found it ironic that I have no real problem getting through the big things. I see them coming, prepare, and it’s bad for a while and then goes away. My problem is the daily pinpricks that keep throwing me off my course that I think I should be taking. Sometimes, I think I’m make like the Titanic — I look completely unsinkable, and the specs say I should be unsinkable, but fill me with enough little holes in my hull, and I’m going down.

Questioning Weakness

I don’t like feeling weak. I don’t like feeling like I’m not as good as others, and I detest feeling like I have to rely on others. So, the weak periods of my life cause me to question why a loving God would let me struggle through so many weaknesses.

The answers come from the scriptures.

Behold, I give unto men weakness, that they may be made strong.

Ether goes on to tell us that the key is learning humility.

Personally, I am sometimes shocked at how hard I have to work to remember the eternal. Stuck in a mortal existence, it’s easy to get caught up in what I can see here and now, and lose sight of the purpose of life, my relationship to God, my relationship to Jesus Christ, and my relationship to everyone else on earth. I forget to rejoice. I forget to glory in the things that are good and holy. I forget to be grateful for all of the wonderful things I have even when the going gets a little tough.

I let pride enter my heart and mind.

I compare what I have with what others have (or at least what I think they have). I get frustrated and impatient because the goals I am working so hard to reach aren’t getting any closer. I find myself wanting more and more and feeling less and less happy.

I work myself into a corner where I have to admit that I am nothing without my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

That’s when I become strong. That’s when I learn that one of the blessings of Christ’s Atonement is to give me strength — strength to repent and be cleansed from my sins and mistakes, strength to be able to see life from a different perspective, strength to keep going because I know I’m never alone.

The scriptures are true, for when I am weak, then I am made strong.